literature

As Much As I Love You

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Literature Text

You can try to find another who will love you like I do.
But you'll be unsuccessful.
You can search for that perfect one. They'll be a different gender, I know. They'll hug the Bible and pray at night. They'll kiss you and you'll both wait for the night that you can finally take off those rings you're wearing, the ones that promise God you'll stay pure. But I'd have waited a thousand lifetimes for that moment; they'll only wait so long.
Because I'm the only one who loves you this much.
I want to feel those soft, plump lips of yours on mine. I've imagined it so many times.
But you won't ever know.
You won't ever know how I feel. If I told you, you'd hate me. You'd be disgusted. You'd never want to talk to me again. "It's wrong, it's immoral." That's how you think. You think a kiss on the lips will send you to Hell. You think I ought to be there. Well, not me personally, but anyone like me.
Only because you do not know.
I keep thinking of the moment I'll reveal my feelings to you.
But you'll just hurt me.
Those words hurt now, but what if you knew you were saying them to me instead of a group of people you think are so far away? Would you care that I am your best friend? Would you care that I'm still the same person you've known for so long? Would you care about those times we've shared things; clothes, sodas, and beds? I'm still the same- I haven't changed. And yet you'd frown upon me.
Because you would know the truth.
You wouldn't care about the things we've shared, the laughs we've had, the memories we've made. You'd look at me like you look at all of them. You'd see me as a disobedient child of God who has chosen the wrong path.
Because you would learn something about me you don't know.
But I didn't choose.
I didn't choose to be this way. I did not choose to become gay. I did not choose to be born in the wrong body. God has made me who I am. God molded me and shaped me. He placed a soul in me and a heart. A heart that beats like yours, a heart that's just like everyone else's.
But you wouldn't care that I didn't choose. You don't want to know the truth, so you won't ever hear it. And when you go looking for someone who loves you as much as I do, you won't be able to find them.
Honestly, I really haven't known this person for such a long time. But three years is quite a lot for me. After all, I'm young, I haven't lived long ^_^
**SHORT ANGRY RANT AHEAD**
I'm sorry, this really makes my blood boil. I love this guy so much, and I know he'll never feel the same. Whenever the subject of gay comes up, he's all "Gay people just go to Hell since they're sinning".
I. Really. Hate. That.
Like, I don't care about being called "faggot" or "fairy" or whatever they say in America (One of my nicknames is "Tapette", which is like a pet name for me even though it's supposed to be offensive in the norm). Name calling doesn't bother me in the slightest.
But telling me God doesn't love me or that I chose against God- that really sets me off.
But I can't bring myself to tell this person. No matter how many times I tell myself "A real friend will stay your friend", I just love him too much to lose him. It hurts me to love him this much.
My life hasn't been going so great recently. I seriously am in pain (not only from another fight I got into -_-; ) but also from this conflicting feeling I'm having...
Being young is so effing rough.
*END OF STUPID WORDS*

Alright, I'll stop going all emo on you ^_^
Basically a small story/essay-ish thing/I don't even. I wrote last year and revised just few minutes ago. The person I'm speaking about doesn't live here anymore, but we're still best friends.
I decided to keep the genders ambiguous so it could relate to a male/male, female/female, or even female/male situation, I guess.

Tell me what you think please! Flaming, however, sucks. So don't do it ;)

Writing (c) Mathieu Lehn
© 2010 - 2024 BleuHairedL
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Well this reminds me of Gerard and Frank...X;(